Why do we often create the lives we have instead the lives we desire, and how to we change that?
All of us have heard the terms ‘Manifest your Dreams’, ‘Create your own Reality’ or ‘Ask and You Shall Receive’ but how many times has that ever come true for you? Do any of us actually know how to do it? I mean really truly Manifest your deepest dreams and desires. You can read The Secret, listen to every single Wayne Dyer seminar or write out your desired Manifestation list from every self help book ever existed but how far has that ever taken you? We’re still here, sitting in our underwear, with our muffin tops spilling over and our hair completely disheveled, while we sip coffee hoping that the caffeine will fix all of our problems from the lack of sleep we just got the night before from staying up way too late while scrolling the endless life suck of TikTok or the equivalent.
So many of us are in the same boat, trying so hard to make our lives great and feel fulfilled, happy and successful. But then why is it so hard for us to get out of what seems like a never ending hole of ‘one thing after another’? It’s for the simple fact that we were born and raised with programming and belief systems, that don’t always work for us, that live in our subconscious minds. And no Im not talking about The Matrix (however possible that may seem at times). Im talking about how our parents showed us what was right and wrong. How society and our social structures molded us into what our thoughts, feelings and actions are now. What foods to eat, how to talk to people and most importantly how to talk to ourselves.
The Power of Your Subconscious Mind is one hell of a drug.
From the moment we are born we are taking in new information constantly. Creating opinions, judgement, feelings and fear based off of the most insignificant things. Then as we get older we base every new situation off of subconscious projections from our previous interactions . Why is that? And how do we change those inner thoughts to help us evolve?
They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well ladies and gentlemen, that is sadly how most people conduct their lives. So I guess we’re all insane? I knew it!
But seriously though what makes it so hard to re-program ourselves and our subconscious minds? First let’s break down how the subconscious works and what on earth programming is and how belief systems conduct our decision making process.
“All of us have our own inner fears, beliefs, opinions. These inner assumptions rule and govern our lives. A suggestion has no power in and of itself. It’s power arises from the fact that you accept it mentally.” ― Joseph Murphy, The Power of Your Subconscious Mind
First let’s start with Defining the Subconscious Mind.
“The subconscious mind is a data-bank for everything, which is not in your conscious mind. It stores your beliefs, your previous experience, your memories, your skills. Everything that you have seen, done or thought is also there. It is also your guidance system.” — Gil Mayer
So that means that every time you get in your car you don’t need to think about how to turn on the engine, check your rear view mirror and get from A to B. You just get in and go. That is your subconscious mind driving the car. Same with making your coffee in the morning, brushing your teeth and doing the dishes. You don’t need to think about it because you have done it a million times. That also means however, it is in auto pilot mode when it comes to how we communicate, our inner self talk and how to conduct our day to day lives and relationships. The habits and actions that we choose everyday are based in our subconscious mind. Thats why it can be so hard to start new and healthy habits when we get older because we are so programmed into what we already know — aka our subconscious mind.
Now let’s get into what Programming is, or another way to put it is, our Mental Mode of Operations.
“Programming operates similarly to a software program. On your computer, the copy function replicates text or images. The delete function makes information disappear. Programming is replicable, consistent and drives your experience.” — Jill Leigh, Energy Healing Institute
Meaning that we take from experiences we have had in the past and we implement them into each moment and interaction in the present. For example, when you start a new job you are trained on how to use a new program and have to learn how every step works. You have a protocol list of steps A-Z and you must follow them as such. But what happens if you go from A, B, C, E, G, M to Z and skip a couple steps but still get the same result? Then your boss tells you, No you must do it the way we told you no matter what, doesn’t matter if you got the same results, you have to do it our way. Thats programming. We are all different and we all have different ways to get to the same result. So why does it matter if you go about it your own way? The same goes for when you were a child and you were told that for example, being fat was bad and people who are fat are lazy, bad people who don’t know how to take care of themselves. That is a program, because as we all know that is not always the case. All things are created differently, contrary to popular belief. To believe that there is one way of doing things, one way of thinking or one way of being is to believe that your way is the only right way and every other way is wrong. Take the person who has been at their job for 20 years doing the same thing everyday over and over and over again. Then a new manger comes into town and they want to implement a new program and make some changes to have the system as a whole run more efficiently. The person who has been there for 20 years gets upset! ‘Ive been doing it this way for 20 years and I don’t see why I have to change it now!’ Even though it took them twice as long to do the same task, not even thinking or caring that it will make their life easier. But who are we to judge?
Change is scary. But what is more scary is telling yourself that the way you’ve been doing things your whole life is not working. That you need an upgrade. It makes us feel inadequate, judged and out of place. The saying ‘you can’t teach old dogs new tricks’ is a common one because it so often reins true. How you were raised to think, believe and feel will cary on with you until you stop and question if this is really working for me?
That brings us into our Belief Systems. Oh What Fun!
“Belief is the attitude that something is the case or true. In epistemology, philosophers use the term “belief” to refer to personal attitudes associated with true or false ideas and concepts. However, “belief” does not require active introspection and circumspection. For example, few ponder whether the sun will rise, just assume it will. Since “belief” is an important aspect of mundane life.” — Wikipedia Definitions
Beliefs are such a huge part of our lives that live in so much controversy and opinion. Do you believe in God or are you one of those spiritual people? Do you believe that judging someone based on the color of their skin is bad or important? Do you believe that there is a right or wrong way of educating yourself? These are all such big questions that people feel so strongly about. As they should! It’s important to believe in something. But have you ever stopped and wondered how you came to that belief? Who told you that belief was right or wrong? And if, for whatever reason, you find yourself not believing those things anymore? What happens? People start judging you. They ostracize you and start projecting their beliefs onto you in such a way that you feel demeaned or lessened because you no longer believe what they believe. There have been centuries long wars based around opposing beliefs! This is nothing new.
So let’s bring it back to where we started, shall we?!
Where this article originally started off was about how to create the life you desire, right? So how on earth do we do that? Taking into consideration all of the yummy info in this article it seems pretty straight forward right? SIKE! The way to transform your life and have your manifestations take flight to retrain, re-program and redefine your beliefs and subconscious mind. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. If only it were that simple. However it doesn’t have to be that hard.
A great place to being is to start and notice your thoughts. Your everyday, moment to moment thoughts. How do you talk to yourself at any given moment? When you eat something that might not be great for you what do you think when you eat it? ‘I shouldn’t eat this’ ‘This will make me fat’ ‘If I keep eating like this i’ll never be skinny’. All of these thoughts effect our lives and our bodies. Once you notice those thoughts you have the ability to change them. Whats the mirror statement of that? ‘I am eating this because it makes me happy’. You have the power and control of your thoughts and actions. Repetition and positive redefinition is key in this department.
Next is to be gentle with yourself. When you start to transform your life, old patterns, habits and beliefs will start rearing their little heads and say ‘but it’s so much easier the way we used to do it’ and that might absolutely be true! However evolving is a process and a long one at that. We often think of this life as a rat race. Always going, going, going. What happens when we slow down, take a breath and start to look around? We realize that it’s not that serious. We get to choose what goes on in our weird little worlds. So take a deep breath, slow down and every time you feel yourself going back into old habits, take a moment, remember why you wanted to change in the first place and keep moving forward. Life is not a sprint, a rat race or even a marathon. Life is a gift and there is beauty everywhere you look, if you know where to focus. Breathe, let go and set yourself free.
Be Grateful for Every. Single. Moment. Im not just talking about that you have food on your table or a roof over your head. Im talking about being grateful that you get to exist on this beautiful planet with breathtaking views, delicious foods and LOVE! Fill yourself with so much love for life that you can’t help but be grateful for everything that crosses your path. Stopping and smelling the roses, literally, it is the freaking tits. Hearing the voice of the person you love the most and getting to hug them and tell them how much you love them. Being grateful for all the good things in your life as well as the bad. That might be the most important part right there, being grateful for the bad. For it is the ‘bad’ that we struggle with the most, but what is bad? A belief that something is not good for us. Maybe it’s just misunderstood? How can we have compassion and love for things that are misunderstood and bad? It will only bring more compassion, love and blessings into your life the more you become grateful for things that are easy to label as not worthy. Even the snake in the grass needs love and understanding, for it does not know any better than to bite you if you step on it. It is our job to understand, be open and approach each situation with compassion, love and gratitude so that we may evolve.
“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” — Buddha
So where to go from here?
Thats the eternal question isn’t it? Finding and redefining yourself as we get older and age with grace is the epitome of resistance. Finding new meaning and understanding in ourselves as we evolve is one of the most defiant acts we can have as individuals. Breaking away from the norm to create a life that is truly our own to live a life without apology or regret. Dictating how we feel, act and create is our choice and our choice alone. That is if you have the courage and wherewithal to go after it with conviction and determination.
To be unapologetically you, is a gift to the world. Don’t stop. There may be someone watching from the sidelines rooting for you to succeed, so they may follow in your footsteps.