How to learn to let that shit go and create a life that's truly yours
I can happily say that I am one of the few people who can confidently say that I have never really cared much of what people thought of me. For that I will give credit to my parents, the odd balls of our small town in the middle of Oakland, CA. My mother a nerdy tax account who rode horses and knitted and my dad a romantic outkast (yes I spelled that correctly, thank you) 'white trash' construction worker and nurse from the south. As my sister and I, growing up in a town full of rich bitch white people, we were the odd family out. My sister was born with a thyroid condition and as such has always been over weight and considered obese to societies standers her whole life. And I being a tom boy with a loud mouth and a crazy frow of big brown curls that went past my butt. All I can say is that, we were out there to say the least.
When I was about 5 my parents got a divorce. Dad moved out and asshole perverted step-dad moved in with his daughter whom I hated at the time. Needless to say (like a lot of us out here) it was a stressful shit show of a childhood. I grew up on the outskirts of a very rich town where everyone had designer clothes and drove a Land Rover by the time they were 16. My mother had no interest in what the 'other kids' were wearing or if they got to go out and do whatever they wanted because their parents didn't care. I, on the other hand, grew up in a very strict household with a lot of rules enforced by my step-dad. My mother made me play the bagpipes in the Scottish highland games and play football on the boys’ team (yes I'm serious to both) for all of high school. I was fully grown into my female body by the time I was 14 and wanted nothing to do with the life that I had. I ran away constantly, slept with random dudes, never went to school (yet still graduated early at 17 with a 3.0 gpa, how that happened I have no idea) I tried to get emancipated at 15 however since I lived in 'too good' of living conditions and was already working and making money, my case was rejected by the state. Ce la vie.
So how does all this play into not giving a fuck about what people think of you? Well throughout all that crap and endless arguments and fighting, what it all came down to was that my mother made it clear to my sister and me that we need to understand that it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside because people are going to judge you regardless, Its how you look at yourself that counts.
Do you accept yourself for who YOU are or are you pretending to be what other people around you are?
I am grateful and lucky to be born by such amazing parents (the irony) because they gave me and my sister some beautiful life gifts. Not only amazing skills, unique features and wisdom, but by what they imparted on us growing up.
When my sister and I were little my dad would always tell us how beautiful, strong, powerful and what amazing women we were. He would say that we could do anything we wanted in this world. That we could love who ever we chose to love; be it man, woman, gay, straight, black, white, Asian whatever, as long as they treated us with love and respect, no one can ever tell you what to do with your life because it was yours and no one else's.
That was one of the most precious gifts they could have ever given us. The power and understanding at such a young age to be given the knowledge that some people spend their entire lives trying to figure out! Self-love and Self-respect.
So, the question is how do we as adults get there? How do we accept ourselves and let go of the judgements, the 'shoulds' and the 'what will they think'? How do we come to the point of letting go and yet still keeping our grasp of reality? Well good fucking luck! LOL JK (seriously guys, just kidding). Just to be clear, Its not to say to not care about anything and not be held accountable or anything like that. I still absolutely condone caring about your life and the people you love in it! What I mean to say is to not give a fuck about the small things that don't matter in the long run.
For example: caring about what designer shoes someone is or isn't wearing or always keeping up on trends, crying in public or showing emotion, how fat you are or something as ridiculous as being seen with someone who 'doesn't fit the bill' even though you like them. These are pretty random examples of course but that's the point! But let me tell you, literally no one cares, NO ONE. I'm telling you! For the most part people are thinking of themselves and aren't thinking of you much longer after you leave their presence and even if they are, it doesn't matter! Caring about things as trivial as this puts so much more stress on yourself then there ever needs to be! So let this be a perspective. If they seem so small here how do they become so big in real life? Why do such small things become so big in our heads?
Well thats just it, its what we create in our minds that create the world around us. If you want to change your world, you have to change your perspective and in turn change your mind.
So how the hell do we change our minds you might ask?! Well that all depends on the thoughts that you allow to enter your mind every day.
How I started was to first just notice the thoughts going through my head on a daily basis. Were they nice? Mean? Complacent? Hurtful? Once you start to track your thoughts and create an awareness around how you process thoughts in your head you will start to get a better understanding of how your mind creates conscious thoughts and decisions. It is at this point that we start understanding how certain emotions, circumstances and people affect us. It is in these moments of clarity that we can consciously decide how many fucks we want to give to a situation.
Before we come to this place of deep understanding and awareness in ourselves we are at the mercy of what outside influences are telling us to feel and believe. 'You should look like this' 'You don't make enough money' 'No one will ever love you if you act like that'. This is where I call your bullshit. BULLSHIT! I challenge you to start being aware of your thoughts and subconscious mind and start bringing your underlying insecurities to the forefront and calling them out. I want you to start questioning your mind-chatter. Do the people and my relationships around me make me happy? Do I feel good in my body as it is or do I feel I need to modify it because of society standards? Am I in a career or job that truly fulfills me?
These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves if we really want to live authentically to our true selves. It always comes down to the question, what is the meaning of life? Trivial I know. Well in my opinion its not about this huge search thats far away from us out of reach. The meaning of life to me is how we create our lives first inside of ourselves and then live in accordance to that authenticity we choose to live by.
We create our worlds. Metaphorically and physically. It is within us to choose the lives we lead and the paths we choose to take. The choice is yours.
Life is what you make it. So do what you love. - LianaVines
For those of you who have not yet read his book are wanting to further your knowledge on this subject I HIGHLY recommend the book: 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' by Mark Manson. Enjoy!